the sweetest shit I've watched recently

Phantom of Liberty  - Luis Bunuel 
Walking With Cavemen  - BBC Documentary
The Incident at Loch Ness - Herzog
To Die For - Gus Van Sant
Plan 9 From Outer Space - Ed Wood Jr.


These all make for wonderful cinematic experiences.

my first memories of thought

regarded God, Death and Morality

heavy for a 4 year old

Is it Medicine or Social Skill?

Am I in love?

Or is this temporary selfish convenience.

I wonder what Sartre would say...

One night an ethereal, shamanic spirit visited me in my dreams and pulled a rotting, fungal-flowered, parasitic organ from my guts

and shoved it in my face saying "Do you want to keep this inside of you?"

My life was never the same again.

The Lid

Even though I don't hold high expectations from others I never fail to be disappointed by them.

It bothers me that there are things about my best friends that bother me.

Then again, there are a lot of things about myself that bother me, and I never fail to be disappointed by myself.

We all must work together to maintain a healthy degree of happiness.

Yet, I hurt others in indirect ways.  I feel like I have very little control over this.  In fact, from the earliest age + memories I can remember I have had a major guilt complex.  I over-analyze every situation.  Where others can see from the immediate vantage point of the self, I extend myself to impossible viewpoints; where others see a corner, I see the 3 sides it connects,; the 7 other points and emerge to the realization that there are indeed six sides and of course the cube exists in a plain of reality comprised of air, which is comprised of molecules....


***

"Please don't lose the lid
it's necessary socially
for helping out
with dinner."

-greenthink

***

nutshells

+

Consider the existence of the Koala:  It awakes to spend some time eating plants that are very low in nutritional value and poisonous to most of the Earth's species.  Living on this low nutritional diet it has a slow metabolic rate and sleeps 3/4 of the day.

It has little competition and little excitement.

It has carved out an evolutionary niche.

I will find out more about Koalas and post here.

delorean

Does anybody ever have fantasies about rewinding into the past and making all sorts of decisions based on what you think would make you content in the present?

I do.


I have since I was a child.  When I was a child though, the fantasies were about going back in time and knowing how to impress the more popular kids in my class (the people I would try to be friends with but would just make fun of me).

Now my fantasies involve going back in the past and making better decisions, especially regarding education, career and finances.


If I could do that, I would have thousands right now and be in the career of my choice, being creative every day.

These fantasies are, however, very useless, unless you take the desired outcomes and make them real-life goals for the future.

This is what I'm doing now.  Years wasted make it incumbent to not continue that pattern.

threats to the seated self

A quote by Why? from the last verse on Apt. A Pt. 1 on cLOUDDEAD's nebulous self-titled album.

Why?  Because that verse captures my personhood:

                     "i fall asleep hoping tomorrow tastes like poems and honeysuckle.
                      i move slow 'cause the sky looks bluer when you fuck the order of the day
                      or the way the shelves were meant to fit."

Actually, I have always related to most of Yoni Wolf's lyrical content.  He manages to express, in very poetic terms, the minutia of a human existence.  When I listen to what he says it normally describes things that I feel to a tee.  The song 'Rubber Traits' for example.  He is sort of like that good friend you have who is utterly naked about his own faults and is comfortable exposing them to you for exploratory purposes.

                                                 *****      ******      *****

Threats to the seated self:  ruminations on existence.

This is my way of having an organized sort of diary to keep track of my thoughts and having it available to the public while maintaining a level of anonymity.  

I will try to be selective and provide original tidbits and insight into whatever is relevant.

I will also try to include at least one film review/recommendation per week (or just when I feel like it).

I certainly invite comments and feedback, criticisms and questions.

I think that is all.